I know you’re about to read this blog…look at my red kerchief and contemplate the following: Is that a flashy sport coat accessory or a red arrow pointing to my man meat? Choose wisely, but before you do…please enjoy the blog.
Khloe Karsashian, proving that she not only dresses like a snake but eats like one. After successfully re-hinging her jaw uses her hands to work the 2 foot mufalatta down into her lower intestines. Next stop, Cloaca!!!
I think we have enough evidence now to prove that Jesse James is into tattooed skanks. I like how they she tries to look classy by doing her hair and wearing a classy dress. Sorry, Kat…that’s like trying to wrap herpes in glittery tinsel paper and handing it off as a gift.
So let me get this straight, after Sandra Bullock gets dubbed America’s sweetheart because she got cheated on by Jesse James with YOU….you decide it would be funny to get your picture taken licking a picture of her. That’s about as smart an idea as getting a spider web tat on your ‘eye booger’ zone to match your faux blue blocker eye shading.
Emma Stone Blonde?....Absolutely
I don’t think there is a man alive that has more taut skin coverage over the orbital socket. It’s all that tight skin can do to hold his eyeballs in place. Also, you’re a shoe-in for a critics choice award when you come dressed as “black suit jesus.” I mean holy crap, I’ve seen many paintings and stained glass pictures of Jesus…but Christian Bale totally out-Jesuses Jesus’s hair in any of those. I really hope that’s what the award was for.
You can see the look of concern slowly creep over Natalie Portman’s face as she realizes that the man she just married who subsequently impregnated her was an experiment gone awry where scientists attempted to merge Harry Connick Jr. with Quentin Tarantino’s head but with a 16 pound Brain (Yes, that’s twice the weight Jonathan Lipnicki)
Attempting to emulate her Idol Margaret Cho, Julia Stiles began a 2 month regimen on the “Fat faced Asian-eye diet” which consists of spam, bok choi, and bean curds washed down with gravy. I mean seriously…she fucking ate her eyes chinese!!
Yuck Favre, Bret’s twin sister, found herself in jail again on drug charges. Other than the drug charges she’s just like Bret except for the fact that he had her face bleached, sandblasted, and melanoma’d so no one would get them confused lest she try to mess up his legacy further by sending pictures of her cock to various women.
Teen mom, Amber receiving the award for most likely to match her cell phone with her pink colts jersey. A lesser known accolade after being the initial spokeswoman for Margaret Cho’s “eat yourself asian” by narrowly beating out Julia Stiles.
Nicole Kidman…A forced smile which seems to indicate “yeah, I’m happy with my face…..I guess”
Selma Blair, a lifelong Frank Zappa fan seems despondent after meeting her idol and realizing that the only way she was able to get his signature was to rip the sleeves off of a provided t-shirt and rip the neck line down to quote “let em breathe!”
Samantha Ronson, Lindsay Lohan’s ex lesbo girlfriend has some fun with the paparazzi with this enigmatic hand motion. Smoking weed or going yodeling in the gulley…you decide. For smoking weed text “Blunt” to 87356, for muff diving text “C#$%” to 2868.
Who says we aren’t a force for good in the world. We’ve exported our pop culture jersey shore phenomena to pyong yang and effectively indoctrinated the country’s youth. Vietnam was a stale mate my ass. Try sending Khuna Sah back to the rice patty to harvest the country’s number one export after she’s bolted the door to her own personal smoosh room.
Stephanie Seymour really knows how to tap into my childhood nostalgia. I can just remember being a young man hanging out with my mom in the ocean when she offered to fix my swim trunk string after my balls shifted during an Oedipus boner (good name for a band)
Stephanie thwarts her son’s advances by turning her face last minute to force a cheek kiss. Hey whore, it’s your fault for leading him on. I mean look at him he’s already got half a titty, that’s a victory in my book.
Ok now you're just fucking with me.
