“Hey everyone…did you enjoy Alex making fun of me on the first blog? I don’t like how he overemphasized my gayness…btw, I’m pretending this mic is my penis.” Nice Bouffant hair by the way, adam. The last time someone put that much product in their hair, Richie Valens’ plane went down because it was too heavy.
“Yeaaah Boy…that’s the last time Rihanna mouths off on me. I’ll put a ho in her place!”
“Ohh Thnap…that bitch got legal representation?”
Doing his best Michael Jackson impression with complete with crotch grab and plastic moon boots, Chris Brown indicates with his tattooed arm that he’s not above “stabbing a bitch”
LeShawn has a look of utter terror after realizing that his non-coordination may have cost him his job. Instead of picking lady gaga up by her stomach and lifting her up, he was supposed to put his entire hand up her pooter and do the whole “poker face” song ala Jeff Dunham and pretend she was a wooden dummy.
“This is where your fucking hand goes, LeShawn, right here! Dammit! “ Back-up dancers Javier and Jose jump on the bandwagon and illustrate her point…”Yeah Esse…right here…En la Vaginaaa!”
After watching the latest installment of the James Bond Franchise, John Gosselin steps out of his New York City cab and addresses the paparazzi as “Bag….Douch…Bag”
Defining himself as “too cool to speak” John wore the t-shirt that does all the work for him. That, and his ‘don’t give a fuck face’ while indicating “Surf’s up” almost closes the deal on the “marginal hawaiin poon” demographic.
Attempting to get out of the car to do a photo-op his publicist immediately puts his hand on the car door and forces Hasselhof back in. So much for season 1 of “America’s got stupid beret”
Enjoying one of the more lesser-known Starbucks holiday flavors, Helen Hunt reluctantly sips the “He chose poorly” Mocha-chino inspired by Indiana jones and the last crusade. Yeah…all the nerds got this one.
“How I met your mother” star Jason Segel eagerly takes home a passed-out count Dracula in hopes of sodomizing him. Witnesses say the counts last words were “One, two, three roofies…ha ha ha ha ha (lightning)”
Not to be outdone by her sister Khloe who married Lamar Odom, Kourtney Kardashian displays her pregnant belly after being knocked up by Kanye West.
“Holy shit, If you’re really quite you can almost feel the regret and food stamps kicking!”
Ready for a night on the town, Lindsay Lohan has all the essentials: crack lighter, cell phone, and orange soda. “Sooo I’m totally not looking my best right now and I’m all out of orange soda…isn’t there any sort of arrangement we can come to?"
Not realizing she’s hit rock bottom, Lindsay Lohan vigorously gives the paparazzi a mediocre hand job in promises of a refill of her now empty Sunkist.
Attempting to give the camera her best sultry look with her right titty exposed, Lindsay’s Belgian lover Sven yanks her back to bed reminding her that she has yet to adjust his homosexual bra strap and finish buttering his croissant as she grabs for one.
In a candid moment Lindsay poses for the camera as she smokes a cigarette while grabbing the back of her assistant Yolanda’s head prompting her not to cheat at “naked spic tic-tac-toe” while she isn’t looking.
“Dude give me your sister’s number…I had no idea she’d sprout titties like that!”
Tara Reid ran out of gas on the Pacific Coast highway and is forced to hitchhike hoping that her warm coke zero and roast beef hoagie will make up for her 80-year-old legs and withered Vaj.
Thinking she’s finally found a ride it wasn’t until five hours later than Lindsay realized she’d spent the afternoon propositioning a stop sign pole.
Thinking the scandal was behind him, Tiger Woods looks at the 18th hole at Augusta wondering why security didn’t stop a would-be blonde mistress from breaking his concentration.
“How the fuck am I supposed to do this chip shot with that bitch and her sign all up in my face?”
“Yeaahhh wooo hooo….use the 8-iron Tiger!!!”
“Just a crazed fan….huh motherfucker?”
“I’d like to announce my temporary hiatus from golf pending my new endeavor of providing golf lessons for my lovely wife Elin, who is apparently still struggling with her irons.”
