My own caption contest

I know you’re about to read this blog…look at my red kerchief and contemplate the following: Is that a flashy sport coat accessory or a red arrow pointing to my man meat? Choose wisely, but before you do…please enjoy the blog.


Khloe Karsashian, proving that she not only dresses like a snake but eats like one. After successfully re-hinging her jaw uses her hands to work the 2 foot mufalatta down into her lower intestines. Next stop, Cloaca!!!


I think we have enough evidence now to prove that Jesse James is into tattooed skanks. I like how they she tries to look classy by doing her hair and wearing a classy dress. Sorry, Kat…that’s like trying to wrap herpes in glittery tinsel paper and handing it off as a gift.



So let me get this straight, after Sandra Bullock gets dubbed America’s sweetheart because she got cheated on by Jesse James with YOU….you decide it would be funny to get your picture taken licking a picture of her. That’s about as smart an idea as getting a spider web tat on your ‘eye booger’ zone to match your faux blue blocker eye shading.





Emma Stone Blonde?....Absolutely





I don’t think there is a man alive that has more taut skin coverage over the orbital socket. It’s all that tight skin can do to hold his eyeballs in place. Also, you’re a shoe-in for a critics choice award when you come dressed as “black suit jesus.” I mean holy crap, I’ve seen many paintings and stained glass pictures of Jesus…but Christian Bale totally out-Jesuses Jesus’s hair in any of those. I really hope that’s what the award was for.





You can see the look of concern slowly creep over Natalie Portman’s face as she realizes that the man she just married who subsequently impregnated her was an experiment gone awry where scientists attempted to merge Harry Connick Jr. with Quentin Tarantino’s head but with a 16 pound Brain (Yes, that’s twice the weight Jonathan Lipnicki)





Attempting to emulate her Idol Margaret Cho, Julia Stiles began a 2 month regimen on the “Fat faced Asian-eye diet” which consists of spam, bok choi, and bean curds washed down with gravy. I mean seriously…she fucking ate her eyes chinese!!





Yuck Favre, Bret’s twin sister, found herself in jail again on drug charges. Other than the drug charges she’s just like Bret except for the fact that he had her face bleached, sandblasted, and melanoma’d so no one would get them confused lest she try to mess up his legacy further by sending pictures of her cock to various women.





Teen mom, Amber receiving the award for most likely to match her cell phone with her pink colts jersey. A lesser known accolade after being the initial spokeswoman for Margaret Cho’s “eat yourself asian” by narrowly beating out Julia Stiles.





Nicole Kidman…A forced smile which seems to indicate “yeah, I’m happy with my face…..I guess”





Selma Blair, a lifelong Frank Zappa fan seems despondent after meeting her idol and realizing that the only way she was able to get his signature was to rip the sleeves off of a provided t-shirt and rip the neck line down to quote “let em breathe!”





Samantha Ronson, Lindsay Lohan’s ex lesbo girlfriend has some fun with the paparazzi with this enigmatic hand motion. Smoking weed or going yodeling in the gulley…you decide. For smoking weed text “Blunt” to 87356, for muff diving text “C#$%” to 2868.





Who says we aren’t a force for good in the world. We’ve exported our pop culture jersey shore phenomena to pyong yang and effectively indoctrinated the country’s youth. Vietnam was a stale mate my ass. Try sending Khuna Sah back to the rice patty to harvest the country’s number one export after she’s bolted the door to her own personal smoosh room.




Stephanie Seymour really knows how to tap into my childhood nostalgia. I can just remember being a young man hanging out with my mom in the ocean when she offered to fix my swim trunk string after my balls shifted during an Oedipus boner (good name for a band)





Stephanie thwarts her son’s advances by turning her face last minute to force a cheek kiss. Hey whore, it’s your fault for leading him on. I mean look at him he’s already got half a titty, that’s a victory in my book.




Ok now you're just fucking with me.

caption contest

Hey Guys....This is a new segment I started in which my friends participate in a daily caption contest. This is a compilation of the pictures and the winning entries of the first three weeks. Keep up the good work and try not to suck.





Christine Nickerson Robbins "I missed winning the caption contest by THIS much!"



Sharmin Cobb "If you tell anyone I borrowed your teeth, you're a dead man!"



Casey Michalski "Don't tickle my belly buttonnnn, it's a direct line to a PROSTATE ORGASM"



Justin Johnson "Luckily for K-Fed, Target now accepts food stamps"



Casey Michalski "Billy Zane catches a breather, though with no remorse, after flipping the table at breakfast with his fiancée."



Aj Savon "You had me at burrito"



Aj Savon ‎"I'm not one of those people who is going to stop being fun just because I'm 9 months pregnant. FIRE!!"



Justin Johnson "Judd Nelson looks proudly on while the sane Estevez brother chokes the homosexuality out of Mike Hall. All that can be heard from Sheedy is, "fucking Ringwold..no talent whore". Behind the Movie-Breakfast Club"



Casey Michalski "creeper Frank "the feline" Rosenbaum poses for a photo during some downtime at his local roller rink, where he rents out skates part time."



Colleen Gill Scott "After the epic sword fight shredded David's pants and half his hair he celebrated his victory by flipping up his high tops and posing for this picture...then rock was born."



Peter Pachoumis "Time to grease the wheels!"



Justin Johnson "Proof there is a God: Kenny G is banished to hell to attend his own shows with his chap wearing dopelganger and rejected extras from Dynasty. Burn, bitch, burn"



Peter Pachoumis "Sloth love chunk! Baby Ruth?!?"



Justin Johnson "Is not (taking my ball and going home)"



Kevin Michalski ‎"Me rikey sno-cone!"
"You grew up in Queens, dad. Stop doing that voice."

"Me rikey sno-cone."



Aj Savon "the umbrella-fan combination is the only thing photographers found to keep gay men from falling off the pillar amidst the Italian restaurant theme"



Colleen Gill Scott "Every year the McDoogie family let's a family member pic the pose for the annual portrait. This year was Donna's turn (upper left). "Hold a bear if you care" she titled the portrait. Bobby, holding an apple, was either stupid or showing his dislike for his adopted sister."



Justin Johnson "Even though the price was right, Verne Troyer was taking no chances. Afterall, this was still Courtney Love"



Kevin Michalski ‎"Why are you girls so happy?"
"Because Alex still hasn't figured out how to put full-size pictures on here! This works in our favor because we're all ugly as fuck. And nobody can tell!"



Kevin Michalski My caption: "If I have to take one more picture with a fat virgin retard, I'm gonna kill MYSELF off."



Colleen Gill Scott ‎"Please don't make me." says little Sally. Mom looks on smugly



Kevin Michalski ‎"I wanna watch Matlock."
"You know the drill, grandma. Now get back down there."
"Such a big boy..."



Scott Michalski "As it turns out, John Wayne Gacy is still alive and he figures "hey, i gotta little room left in my crawlspace."



Justin Johnson "If you woulda put it there the first time we wouldn't be in this situation!"

This week in Entertainment!

So I think this post is a little weak, but that's ok because they all can't be great. I hope you comment if you like it. Soon I will be moving this blog to a new website that combines both the podcast and the blog. It always cracks me up so hopefully it makes you chuckle. Suck it, people.



The Octomom shows off her breast enlargement and new wicker fedora in a new photo shoot showing off her amazing body? Her stomach looks like the slab of meat the rocky beat up on during that training montage. Also, why does her mouth look like Jack Nicholson’s Joker?



Mischa Barton has her gloveless fingered makeup artist cover up her hobo hickey as she points her dead eyes towards her drug supplier to dip her cherry lollipop into his travel dish of cocaine.



A nice bump of cocaine seems to be the only thing to keep her mind off the fact that she let the homeless “pants on the ground” guy suck on her neck in an attempt to leach off of his temporary fame.



“Yes, I listened to John Mayer’s shitty music while we were dating.”



Carrie Prejean allows a scripted nip slip for the cameras to take the attention away from the lifeguard she just blew to get his tapioca consistency jizz out of her hair. “Babe, I told you it’s been a while and I totally didn’t know that my un-viscous jizz wouldn’t come out after I dunked your head in the ocean.”



Miley Cyrus’s PR agent has a look of grave concern after she realizes that the paparazzi’s cameras are now equipped with black light technology and totally picked up the remnants of the gangbang jizz fest (also the name of her new album). Miley does what she can to steady herself as she tries to walk smoothly while battling an achy and raw vagina.



Christina Aguilera, always classy, attempts to pull the spandex out of her funbox so she can gracefully accept her new star on Hollywood boulevard. “Try Morningstar Douche-lube…for when you’re feeling ‘dirrrty’”



Heide Montag, tired of Spencer molesting her in front of cameras decided to bring a copy of her latest playboy spread as a buffer to keep Spencer occupied during the opening of the G.I. Joe movie. Just as a precaution she puts her mini purse in front of her vaj just in case Spencer realizes that he’s just fucking a magazine.



Snookie from the “Jersey Shore” is looking forward to a quiet evening alone when she realizes that the bartender used “early times” whiskey in her bourbon and root beer and decided it was Game On!



“That’s right bitches…yeah…it’s pole dancing time” The girl in the fedora quickly reaches for her camera to catch the impromptu “moose knuckle” while snookie’s black bodyguard finally says “fuck it!”



Mel Gibson after watching Jeff Dunham’s latest comedy special thinks that he can let loose a tirade of anti-Semitic comments and totally blame it on the ventriloquist beaver that he holds in his left hand. “fucking jews!”



Mel gives a look of defeat after being found out, after he realizes that “Dude, you totally have your hand all up in that beaver!” doesn’t mean quite what it used to. It was only later that Mel realized that he couldn’t sell it unless he was drinking a glass of water during the speech and not actually moving his mouth.



The crowd cheered Mark Mcgwire calling his swing into the stands ala Babe Ruth. It wasn’t until later that they realized that he was merely signaling his roid dealer that along with his juice fix he wanted to give the dugout groupie the semi-shocker. That’s two in the pink and not necessarily one in the stink. Go cards!



Tiger Woods attempts to revive his image by hanging out with quarterback Tony Romo. Little does he know that Tony is fearful of Tiger’s horniness and immediately covers his nuts wondering whether or not he should take his name off his PHONE!!!



Tiger: “Seriously dude, I wasn’t going to try anything and frankly you’re making me look bad.
Tony: “I know bro…I hear what you’re saying. I’ll let you have your way with me in the locker room and don’t worry I will erase your number from my voicemail.”
Tiger eases Tony’s fears by wearing his hat which indicates how many brown fingers he wants to put in Romo’s balloon knot.




Tired of being the spokeswoman for domestic violence, Rihanna attempts to go incognito by wearing the carrot top “fun disguise” complete with silly red hair, shades, and wicker prop basket.



Rihanna meticulously removes the “sadness pubes” off of her tongue and places them on her plate of domestic violence memorabilia while wearing her strategically placed swimsuit that covers the bruises when Chris Brown was “letting off some steam.”



Kate Gosselin in a post-divorce haze, crazily wheels her homeless “u promise” shopping cart full of bags of her own feces as a message to the t.v. execs that they promised to keep the show going.



Jessica Simpson’s portly body guard blocks off the paparazzi coming in from the left side totally forgetting the sly crazed fan who goes for an impulsive boob grab under the premise of putting extra M&M’s in her Louis Vitton bag.



After taking a public bathroom hooker shower, Lindsay Lohan does a quick cooter-taste to see if she’s presentable enough for a night on the town.



“ssssso yeah…Lindsay just totally gave herself a frontal oil check before slithering into her camo pants.” Lindsay’s gay friend Lars said to his fag hag right behind him before attending the “homosexual shorty shorts, dredlock beanie, yellow man-purse extravaganza.



That’s right folks….Seal cums chocolate.