The AMA's

Hey Guys,


Welcome to the new site of my blog. It's been about a year since I posted my weekly or so blogs on myspace and since I've been busy doing my podcast Grab the Nub. Well the blog is back with it's own site....so if you liked it before I'm sure you'll hate it now. I'd thought I'd start it off with a recap of the Music Awards...so check that shit out.




Janet Jackson opened the 2009 Ama’s with a tribute to her late brother Michael. I like how every one of her background dancers is wearing the S.A.R.S masks. Although they said that the knee pads were recreating MJ’s dance outfit, I think it’s a safety precaution for when Macauley Culkin demands oral on a whim you have to be ready to go. They say the knees are the first thing to go after all.



(From left to right) Whitney Houston calls out her dealer for not supplying her with her pre-performance crack hookup, Uncle Ben is despondent wondering if he left the rice on too long, Janet is covering her mouth just remembering she forgot her S.A.R.S mask, Chris Judd is wondering if he pulled off his King Tut look, Diane Lane wonders if her new career path as a backup dancer will work out, and Sway from MTV mad that his big “let my hair out of my wool cap” moment won’t be as awesome as when KISS went without makeup. (exhale) …was that a stretch? You decide.






Surprised backup dancer in the back is trying to decide whether or not Adam Lambert is gay by determining which is more enjoyable for him: thrusting his penis into his Aunt’s belly button or taking it in the rear from metro pole-grabbing Zorro.



Case Closed



In a last ditch effort to bring him to the hetero side, back up dancer “Kiki” shamelessly uses her hand to Entice Adam to have sex with her and give her an “A” on her “keep ryan from being gay” test. In response, Adam Lambert ala Gandalf pounds his staff on the stage and screams “You Shall Not Pass!!!”



Adam triumphantly displays how many wieners he can fit into his “funhole” after he’s had time to do his yoga pre-stretches.



Kelly Clarkson Proudly displays the dress she won at the 2009 hotdog eating contest in which she received a bedazzled stud each time she inhaled a coney island chili dog.



Hey everyone…I’m Val Kilmer…you may remember me…. I thought I’d go incognito as a hipster Rabbi at this year’s AMA’s and the only one who is suspicious of who I am is a homeless Levar Burton over my right shoulder who is desperately hoping for “Reading Rainbow: The next generation”



This could be one of those photo hunt games in what the left pic has that the right doesn’t. Uh…no Hacidic curls, no city background,alcoholic cheek flush, shit-eating glare, “V for Vendetta” rip off fedora, smirk at the knowledge that you can do the “top gun cheek clench” if asked.



As the Gravity of his past transgressions set in, it took a concerned Tracy Morgan to highlight the scope of his faux pas. “I told you that it was only a matter of time before the ‘Race Queen’ would come down from her perch and get on your ass for being a white shitty rapper from Detroit and selling more albums than snoop!!”



“Sorry bitch”



“Listen, Cracker, I don’t give a fuck that Dre took you under his wing. You try some shit like that again I will destroy you! The only reason I’m only taking your past movie award instead of your ghetto pass is that you had the good sense to get rid of that awful fucking dye job.”



Lady Gaga, in her intro to the AMA’s thought she would go old fashioned and do a “period piece” HA, I get it!!!



Guillermo in the back is angry at tyrone for continuing his use of the S.A.R.S mask even after the memo that lady gaga was “clean.” Leroy, at the right, is not so convinced and does his own investigating.



“Ah HA! I knew it…Anal Fissures!!!” As Leroy makes this on-the-spot declaration lady gaga responds with a belated “whoops!” while Mai ling in the foreground freaks out and runs for cover.



“You happy Gaga?” Leroy Declares, as he rolls out a backup dancer victim of her virally contagious anal fissures. Meanwhile, little Re Re gives a microscopic second-look at her butt declaring…”Damn Leroy …you is Right!”



“Oh shit…Leroy’s Right!”



Miguel sounds the alarm by declaring “Anal Fissures in the HOOOUUSE!!!” Gaga glares defiantly into the camera and dares someone to call her out while and emotional Leroy pleads “I knew it was you Fredo…You broke my HEART!!!!”



To redeem her image, Lady gaga kisses an unsuspecting Kermit hoping that some good can come of this night and he will turn into a charming prince that will sweep her off her feet.



“Fuck!” So much for that. Meanwhile…Heidi Klum still hoping for Kermit.



In a pre-airtime check Megan Fox makes sure that she got the last remnants of coke off her upper lip before taping begins. Even her Marilyn Monroe tattoo looks embarrassed.



Joe Perry still angry that his last “wicken” girlfriend cursed him with aggressive skunk hair that flairs up anytime he’s in the public eye.



As he leans in for a kiss from Katy Perry his skunk hair leaps into action and immediately jabs a white bang into her eye before their lips lock. The wicken girlfriend themed face on the guitar smiles in sadistic satisfaction.



Pink, in an effort to revive her career was told she would have a scandalous piece in this year’s AMA’s by exposing her left titty and fucking Adam Lambert in the ass with a strap-on (which she mimics blindfolded). Unfortunately, event sponsors had a change of heart and decided to make her think it would happen but then yank her off the stage with a pulley before the performance began. “We fixed the Glitch!”



Kanye West showers his girlfriend in kisses choosing to ignore the charges that she looks like someone poured 10 gallons of cottage cheese into an old snake skin.



“Wait bitch, I haven’t had the chance to be a total douche-bag, motherfucker, overrated, stupid asshole, bad haircut, retarded glasses, ridiculous shirt, totally inappropriate, jackass (obama), inflated ego, no-talent, ignorant, upstaging, unwanted, cocksucker, asshole yet….thank you!”

Welcome back to the blog, Bitches!